I need a Job :
by Ganondorf-Lover
Summary: A bunch of One-Shots of me interviewing most of the POTO characters for a job as a telemarketer, or whatever position comes to mind :D Not meant to be serious, funny thing made up in Biology 2 years ago XD Posted: Erik, Raoul in progress: Carlotta? Some Pokemon jokes, and sexual innuendos! T for sexual innuendos
1. Erik

Me: "So you would like to be our newest telemarketer, is that correct, Mr...?"

Phantom: "Erik"

Me: "I see... Okay then, if you were a color, what color would you be?"

Phantom: -.-; "Purple?"

Me: "Great! If you had to describe yourself with one word, what would it be?"

Phantom: "Does sexy beast count as one word, or two?"

Me: "That's two words..."

Phantom: *talking really fast* "sexybeast."

Me: e.e "Why do you think you'd be a good telemarketer?"

Phantom: "I'm good at stalking people, and I'm very persuasive." *smiles and holds up Punjab Lasso*

Me: "Where do you see yourself in twenty years?"

Phantom: "My home destroyed, and me dead, or fleeing from an angry mob."

Me: *awkward silence for a few minutes*

"What are your favorite hobbies?"

Phantom: "I enjoy playing my piano and organ, composing music, stalking Christine, threatening the managers, and knitting colorful sweaters."

Me: "What a wide variety of hobbies... So what would consider your best achievements in life?"

Phantom: "I tried to kill Raoul, I killed a man, I wrote an opera, and I got Christine to kiss me."

Me: "You killed a man?!"

Phantom: "Errr... I Uh... He fell down the stairs..." . .

Me: "And you tried to kill that fop?!"

Phantom: "He almost fell down the stairs..." D:

Me: *grumble* "You shoulda killed him..." T_T

Phantom: "What was that?"

Me: "Nothing! So I hear you wrote an opera? Was it good?"

Phantom: "No, it caused a mob to form and try to kill me..."

Me: "oh... So, what's your favorite food?"

Phantom: "I almost never eat. But when I do, I gorge myself on BACON!"

Me: :3 "I love bacon!...If you could be a flower, what flower would you be?"

Phantom: "A cactus."

Me: xD "If you could have any super power in the world, which one would you choose and why?"

Phantom: "Invisibility... I'd turn invisible so no one could see this monster..."

Me: "That's so sweet!" *high pitched squeal* "So one more question, what do you think about short, blonde girls who are completely in love with you?"

Phantom: "Christine?! Where?!" *springs up from chair and rushes out the door, chasing blond women*

Me: "Erik!" *sees it's no use* "Gah, forget it... Well, I guess that means I'm ready for my next interview. GET IN HERE, YA FOP!"


	2. Raoul

WARNING: contains Raoul, some insults about if he is gay or not. (Which he is... Christine was his cover :O)

*inside an office*

Me: "Raoul, if you could be a color, what color would you be?"

Raoul: "Omg, I'd sooo have to say hot pink!"

Me: O_O "Anyway... What do you consider your greatest achievements?"

Raoul: "Getting Christine to love me and being the president of F.U.!"

Me: "F.U.?"

Raoul: "Fops United!" :3

Me: "I bet you make a great president!"

Raoul: *blushing* "Well I AM the foppiest fop around!"

Me: "So true! Now, I'll be honest, as everyone is dying to know the answer to this question...Metapod or Clampearl?" ~Sexual Innuendo, for those could not recognize it~

Raoul: "Easy, Metapod! They turn into... Butterflies!"

Me: O_O "Thats not what I meant, but okay... What's your favorite food?"

Raoul: "Hmmmm... I really like soufflés and sweet candy... But donuts are my favorite, tied with BACON!"

Me: "What is it with you people and bacon?!"

Raoul: "Well, I love bacon because it was the food I was eating when I first met the love of my life, Erik..." *sighs dreamily* "Oh, how I wish he would hold me in his arms and feed me bacon and grapes..."

Me: "Get out."

Raoul: "What?"

Me: "Get the fuzz out!"

*Raoul leaves crying, wiping his nose with a pink hanky*

Me: "Now who should I interview next?"


	3. Christine

**A/N I thank everyone who commented on this story! I was gonig to put an Author Note in ch.1 and ch.2, but I completely forgot to do so when I uploaded it! **

**This story was inspired by my dear friend LoRF (Legend of Rune Factory, check out her stories, AWESOME) during Biology/lunch 2 years ago. I found it on my computer 3 days ago, and decided to continue this fun little project.**

**Disclaimer-**

**I do not own anything, though if offered I would take it o.o**

* * *

Me: "Christine, what a pleasure it is to meet you.." *Sarcasm*

Christine: "Oh, I'm so glad that you are as happy as I am! I have so many fans, it pains me to not be able to meet them all!" *Sincere happiness*

Me: "Lovely... Shall we start the interview then?"

Christine: "Of course!"

Me: "What type of flower do you imagine yourself as?"

Christine: "A rose of course, fragile and beautiful!"

Me: "Roses also have thorns and die when you hide them in a freezer to escape the suspicions of the cops."

Christine: "Well.. Yes, yes they do..."

Me: "And how about a color that you are?"

Christine: "I am similar to the color of Peaches! Warm and sweet!"

Me: "Peaches also die if you put them in a freezer..."

Christine: "Err... Yes... A lot of things die when you put them in a freezer... Do you have a fascination with freezers, G-L?"

Me: "No.. I just tend to hide peop- er... things in them." Wide, crazy smile.

Christine: "I see..."

Me: "And what are your hobbies, Miss Daáe?"

Christine: "I enjoying toying with the hearts of men who fall obsessively in love with me, teasing them to the point of which they kidnap me to marry me, and then acting like the victim when a mob tries to kill them." :D

"Oh, I also like to play the banjo."

Me: "I can understand your first hobby, but.. The banjo?"

Christine: "I enjoy playing the banjo because I feel it allows me to connect to the poor people of the world."

Me: "That's... Wonderful...?"

Christine: "Any more questions? Oh! I have one! When will I start, and how much will you pay me? I'm used to having a large allowance, so I expect anything above 15,000 pounds."

Me: "You are not hired just yet, Christine. I have several more questions."

Christine: "Oh.. Okay, shoot!"

Me: *mumble* "I'd gladly shoot you."

Christine: "What was that?"

Me: "I said... What is your favorite food?"

Christine: "I adore a good salad, as I have to watch my figure, and I absolutely hate bacon!"

Me: 0.0 "Y..You h-hate bacon?!"

Christine: "With all my soul! I also hate baby pandas!"

Me: "I.. To prevent me from going to jail for murder, I shall pretend you never said either of those two comments... Now, on to the more serious part of the interview."

Christine: "Okie Dokie!"

Me: *gets out recorder and starts recording* "I, as well as many Phantom Phans have been wondering this question... Why did you leave Erik for Raoul? You only knew the man for a few days!"

Christine: "Oh... Erik was marvelous, when he wasn't yelling at me and he had his mask on, but Raoul and I were in love!"

Me: "Christine... Raoul is gay..."

Christine: "Yes he is! I can never get over how happy he is all the time!"

Me: "No... He's gay, as in he likes other men."

Christine: "Yes, he is happy and likes other men. I would worry if he never spent any time with men and only with women! I'm so glad him and the butler go on a fishing trip every weekend, he always comes back so happy!"

Me: "You do not have a very high I.Q, do you?"

Christine: "I like cheese." :D

Me: "I'm sure you do..." *evil grin* "Christine, I have some cheese back here in my freezer, would you like some?"

Christine: "I love free stuff! I love free cheese!" *both go into back room, only I return.*

Me: "Now that that's taken care of, I find myself in need of a someone else to interview... Ideas, anyone?"

* * *

**So, who should I interview next? **

**I'm counting on you wonderful people for this next one! If no suggestions are given by the time I want to write it, I'll just go with whoever pops into mind first ^^**

**Arrivederci,**

**G-L**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, my faithful reviewers! It is I, G-L. I am here to formally apologize for my lack of updating. I will be posting this "letter" to every story I am working on, in hopes that everyone who reads my stories will read it and understand that I am a HORRIBLE updater! D: **

**I have had a terrible case of writer's block lately. However, I was angrily yelled at my several friends who were disappointed that I was not updating regularly. After much abuse, I realized that this is true! I am a horrible updater! I'm surprised I even have any fans :P**

**I will be finishing all of my Fanfics, and then I will be taking an extended break to finish my novel(s?) before returning to more fanfiction. Here is the following order of the updating order for my stories:**

**All Legend of Zelda Stories will be finished First**

**Phantom of the Opera will be next **

**. . . I don't think I have any after that... (oops) **

**Thank you for taking your time to read this!**

**I will finish my stories very soon! I promise it!**

**Ganondorf Finds Love (gosh, I hate that title... what was I thinking?!) Will more than likely be finished very soon, after that, it will be Death of Ganondorf (. . .blah... what titles...) and so on and so forth XD**

**Goodbye for now! **

**G-L**


	5. The Mask

**Hello! This is GL, back from the coma that school exams and homework caused! I'MM ALLLLIVEEEEEEEE**

**. **

**Anyhow… Thanks to "****daddys number 1 girl****" I've decided on interviewing both Erik's mask, AND the Siren, IN THE SAME CHAPTER!** ***wild screaming***

* * *

Erik's Mask: Interview, Part 1

GL: "Why hello there, Mr. Mask! It's a pleasure to finally meet you separate from my beloved Erik!"

Mask: "_"

GL (turns to face fans) "It is a mask and cannot speak."

Erik's Mask: Interview, Part 2

GL: "Because this whole chapter would be pointless if you couldn't speak, I have decided to use my fairy powers to make it happen! Speak, mask of the masked phantom!"

Mask: (fancy posh accent) "Why hello there! It's a pleasure to meet such a charming lady as yourself, GL…"

GL: "Oh, you flatter me…" (blush) "Now, my hundreds of gillion and bazillions of fans have been dying to know what the famous mask thinks."

Mask: "To tell you what I think, I shall have to tell you of my life's story…" **(clears…throat? Does a mask even have a throat?)** "I was created many years ago, born onto some foul beast that was slaughtered for its flesh, whilst I, the hide, was sold to the market…. I was purchased by—"

(Several Hours Later, GL is snoring in her chair, and the mask continues talking, oblivious to his boringness)

Mask: "And so the doctor threw me away, because no one would want to use a mask that had been placed up an elephant's rectum… It is was a sad day for me until Erik found me." (pause) "Are YOU SLEEPING?!"

GL: "NO! I swear… I'm awake… . ."

Mask: "I shall continue then!"

GL: "Unfortunately, we are out of time" (hurries to make him shut up)

Mask: "What a shame…"

GL: "One last question, Mr. Mask. What is the best part of being Erik's Mask?"

Mask: "Bacon… and Raoul's stubble…"

GL: "WHAT?!"

Mask: "Nothing, I like candy canes!"

GL: ". . . ... . . I refuse to acknowledge any sexual relationship between that dumb fop and my Widdle Eriky Poo…"

Mask: "I…see…."

* * *

**Hmm… I was going to put the Siren's interview on this page as well, but this interview is a bit longer than I anticipated :/ **

**I'll post it in another chapter, yup yup! **

**Goodbye, my loyal followers! **

**A telemarketer is a person who calls you on the phone and asks if you want to buy certain items…. I despise them… (Growl)**

**:D**


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